We lose part of our identity in our attempts to avoid feeling pain

I just came across this blog post I wrote in 2016 but never published. I felt like it was time I shared it. :) 

For the majority of 2016 I felt very uncertain about my future. Events took place that altered my perception of how my life would play out. It left me feeling more vulnerable than I care to admit to. I found myself retreating from God. I suppose part of me blamed Him for my uncertainty and I let doubt overrule my faith. I found myself trying to do everything on my own. Stubbornness is no stranger to me. I didn't want to let things be up to chance. I wanted everything to work out my way on my time. Most of this was subconscious, yet looking back now and analyzing the past year, I can see exactly what I was doing.

It is normal for human beings to avoid pain. It is uncomfortable, uncertain, and demands our attention. Pain isn't something you can ignore for long. I saw a movie preview last week and heard something that really caused me to ponder. The quote was "there is no such thing as a pain free life". I started to think about all the millions of people around the world and not one of them will go through life without experiencing pain. We all feel it at different times to different extents. Pain is inevitable. We can't avoid it for long. Attempting to avoid pain requires us to give up something of ourselves... it requires closing off a piece of our hearts that truly make us who we are. We can't avoid pain without losing part of our identity in the process. I guess if I had to summarize what I have learned this past year, it would be this very concept. I think to some extent I lost part of who I was through my attempts to avoid pain.

Every year I find that my empathy is increased but it doesn't come at a cheap cost. Empathy comes from experiencing things that allow you to relate to others. It is those hard circumstances, those painful moments, that give you insights into how others are feeling. I suppose that is what this year was for me. It was, for the most part, extremely lonely. Living in Romania for 4 months, not knowing the language, and often times not feeling connected to others which led to a lot of time alone. I spent hours each day sitting in a small metal chair next to old wooden cribs filled with severely mentally disabled children who had been abandoned and some abused. My views of the world weren't so rosy after that. Many days the sadness of what I was experiencing was so overwhelming that all I wanted to do was sleep. I saw so many problems. My broken heart would break all over again every single day when I saw those children. I wished I could solve this problem, yet knew it was so much bigger than anything I could do. How are some people so fortunate and others not? Should I feel guilty for everything I have been given? Months later I can see how these experiences motivated me to do hard things that will lead to greater opportunities for me to be able to help others. I go back to the quote my mum used to tell me "you have been born to privilege and with that comes specific obligations". When she told me that she was usually referring to getting an education, being blessed with a knowledge of God, and my ability to help others who were not born into the same circumstances.

I learned this year that problems just don't go away. Avoiding issues doesn't make them less real. It is up to us to find solutions to the world's problems. Turning a blind eye won't solve anything, it just makes us ignorant. Since beginning my Masters program at St. Andrews, I have come to realize that we have so much more in common with others than we know. In fact, I believe we can find something in common with anyone we meet. Too often we focus on our differences and we let a wall form which causes close-mindedness. There are too many close-minded people inhabiting the world. Too many people that think their way is the only way and everyone else is wrong. Too many people who aren't willing to see things from another's perspective. If we want to change the world, we must first change the way we see the world... and that... is the real challenge. We say we want to change the world, yet most of us, don't want to change ourselves. There is something we can learn from every person we meet. I've come to recognize the significance of being kind. Kindness can break through barriers that nothing else can. It is in the act of showing kindness that others can feel a greater connection to us.

I've learned that God loves all of us the same and it is through our choices that determine how much of His love we let ourselves feel. His love for us will never change, but we sometimes do things that prevent us from feeling His love, at least not to its full extent. I realized that by shutting off a part of you that feels pain, you also shut off a part of you that feels His love. It leads to a lonely numbness... a feeling of being hollow and empty. I can recall moments of trying to make myself cry and I couldn't. Our feelings are what make us feel alive. When we shut them off, we lose that. I think every emotion should be embraced for what it is, it should be felt, and understood. I think pain is one of life's best teachers. Pain teaches us on a soul level. It makes us more aware of who we truly are. 

How to Develop Greater Self Love in Order to Manifest The Life You Want

I can't tell you how many drafts I've written over the past few months. Too many.  I've felt so drawn to write and yet no clarity as to what to say. Nothing seemed to feel right, so i'd close my computer and walk away. Yet, there was still this strong pull to sit down and write. So... here I am. Im just trusting that as I write, I'll gain clarity around what I am being drawn to say. 

Anyone who knows me well, knows I do really well on my own. I thrive in new places with new people. I've spent a lot of my adult life finding ways to get away... to escape the mundane. I've been blessed to have had some great experiences and meet many amazing people. I think I always knew it was also a way to escape from my own thoughts and feelings. I didn't understand that in order to alleviate pain, I had to acknowledge it and allow myself to experience the feeling. It took me a long time to figure that out. So for the past few years, thats what I've been doing. Sitting with my emotions, however uncomfortable that may be, and allowing myself to feel them. By doing this, I have been able to heal parts of myself that I didn't even know needed healing. I've learned to have grace with myself as I try to navigate this. No one ever sits you down as a child and explains all this stuff to you. So you just bury it inside and hope it goes away. The truth is though, that's not how it works. If we do not address it head on, it will stay there. It will impact everything we do. We may not notice it, but it does. It impacts how we see ourselves and it impacts how we interact with others. 

People will ask me what that process looked like. How did I heal and how quickly? Well truth be told, it was very difficult. It was also extremely lonely. Do we ever fully heal from our traumatic experiences? Perhaps yes, but I think there are still things that come up over time as a result of those experiences. However, I will tell you that on the other side of that healing is a peace that makes the journey worth it. I look at who I attracted into my life pre-healing and I look at who I attracted to my life afterward. There is a big difference. As we heal, we subconsciously raise our vibration. The energy we emit is different and it attracts more of that energy. 

I listened to a Master Class today on manifestation. The speaker talked about how when we want to attract something more than what we have, we have to raise our thoughts to align with what we are wanting. If we do not change our thoughts, we will never receive it. She went through the vibration levels of all the emotions. Fear, shame, guilt, anger, pride were all at the bottom. She said that in order to manifest we need to be on the level of love. Thats where the magic happens. Its really hard to stay in that energy if we don't feel love for ourselves. That will drag our vibration down. So how do we fix it? I think thats where we need to allow ourselves time to sit with our emotions. If you don't feel self-love, then ask yourself why. Sit with it. See what comes up. Let your mind wander and come back again. When something does come up, then ask yourself why again. Try to get to the root of where that feeling began. I've found that for me, everything usually stems from a belief that I wasn't enough. I think growing up in a high demand religion, we were taught to see our imperfections and always be striving to be perfect. For me, that caused a lot of internal damage. I don't think that is how God looks at us. I don't think God is searching for all the ways we are messing up and keeping count to make sure we have prayed and repented for each one individually. I don't see God that way. I don't think God is a micromanager. I think He sees us not just for who we are, but for who we can become. He sees us as having infinite worth. He knows everything about us and loves us the way we are. Anything that is making you feel like you're not enough is toxic. 

So where do I recommend someone start when trying to have greater self-love? Start with building a relationship with God. God is love. There is no better way to develop more love. Im not talking about religion. Im talking about getting to know God better... one on one. Whatever that looks like and feels like for you. Let God show you what he loves about you. Let him show you your worth, without the fear, shame, and guilt. In fact, if you're feeling those things (which let's be honest are not from God), it will put you in a place of anxiety and/or depression. That is not healthy or helpful when trying to heal and discover your worth. Try to let go of whatever false beliefs you've developed. Choose to believe in a God who loves you and wants to see you happy. A God who is always there and cheering you on. 

It looks like this post was about learning to develop greater self-love so that you can learn to manifest the life you truly want. Look to God to see your worth and don't let anyone else try to tell you what that is. You have always been worthy of love. You will always be worthy of love. Any experience that taught you otherwise is something to heal from. We've all had those experiences. Its important we don't let those define us, but rather let them go, so they don't continue to weigh us down. If we want to feel lighter, we should turn to the source of all light. Let God help you heal! 

How Christ's Atonement Helps Us Understand Our Worth...

I'm not sure who needs to read this right now, but I feel very strongly that I need to write this blog post. I felt like I needed to write it last night and got busy. However, tonight, I am feeling an urgency to write it. I can't fully explain... I just know there is someone God is trying to get this message to, and if it is you, I hope you know how much He LOVES you! Im feeling it very, very strongly right now. So I hope this helps and that you know without a doubt that you are not alone. He is with you and He will help you get through it. 

Yesterday morning I started to think about the Atonement of Christ. I thought about how I've had a struggle over the years with recognizing my own worth. I literally have a canvas in my room that says "I am enough".  I painted it awhile ago to remind myself every day. As I was thinking about this, I felt very strongly that if I want to see my worth even more clearly, I need to strengthen my relationship with the Savior. I thought that was interesting, considering I feel like I have the strongest relationship with the Savior that I ever have. Yet, it became clear to me that I need to study the Atonement specifically. That is how I will understand my worth, because it will help me see how the Savior sees my worth. Immediately I pictured Him on the cross... suffering for all of us. I thought about how I've heard people say that He did that for everyone but them. Like somehow He wouldn't have done it just for them. It feels a bit more distant. Like we are somehow just one of the billions of people He died for. 

As I thought about that, I started to see how the Atonement might feel like it was done for the collective but not necessarily for us individually. I started to think more about what the Atonement means for me... personally. To me it's not just about what Jesus did on the cross. That was just the beginning of the miracles. You see... this is where we start to see how personal it really is. What Jesus did on the cross made it possible for Him to experience EVERY SINGLE THING WITH US! Everything. It made it so He could be with us ALL the time. Not just when things are good and not just when things are bad. Not just when we pray or go to church. But always. The first moment we wake up, the lull in the afternoon, right before bed. Every second of every day. 

About a month ago I had this epiphany about unconditional love... something I believe very few of us comprehend (if any at all). I thought about the concept of loving someone no matter what choices they make, no matter if they reciprocate our love, no matter if their actions are good or evil. Unconditional love doesn't say I love you but need you to change. Unconditional love doesn't say I love you when we get along. It doesn't find fault with others. It simply is. It always is the same. Nothing we do or don't do will ever change the amount of love God has for us. Think about that for a minute... 

When we are at our lowest... when we have made choices that are blatantly against the things Christ taught... His love for us stays the same. There is nothing we can do that will ever change the love God has for us. Nothing. We can push Him away, we can deny His existence, we can turn our backs on Him, and it won't make a difference. He loves us unconditionally. 

I think this is where I started to see the Atonement as two parts: for the collective (What happened on the cross) and for the individual (Understanding and being with us through every life experience we have). 

The Atonement was in fact done for you. He would do it all again even if it was just for YOU! Because He loves us unconditionally. It allows Christ to understand us completely... without judgment (or with perfect judgement). He knows exactly what's going on in our lives, how we are feeling, our biggest desires, and greatest regrets. He knows what it feels like to lose all hope. He knows what it feels like to be alone... completely alone. He felt that on the cross and, because He did, it meant we never had to be completely alone because He will always be with us. 

So if you were the person God wanted to read this message, please know how much He loves you! He is with you, even when you don't feel it. Even when you have pushed Him away. Even when you don't comprehend how you can make your way back to Him. Don't worry, because He never went anywhere. He's closer than you realize and I can promise you His love for you is unconditional! Christ's Atonement can help you to see your worth, because He did it for you. YOU mean that much to Him! 

Using the Light of Christ to Let Go of What Weighs Us Down

When I sit down to write on my blog I never know beforehand what I will write. I literally type whatever comes to my mind. I blog more for myself than for anyone else, because I learn so much from what I write. I don't exactly know how it works, I just know that it does.

Today I feel guided to write about light. Not just physical light, but spiritual light... the illumination of things that once seemed dark. I want to write about the importance of experiencing the contrast between light and dark. Darkness is a breeding ground for all of the low vibration emotions (fear, sadness, anger, anxiety, etc.). It is in the darkness that we must confront all that we try to bury inside ourselves. We have things we keep inside us with hope that it will always stay below the surface. We keep them buried in the shadows. We keep our insecurities stuffed within, only to have them eat us alive from the inside out... because honestly, things were never meant to stay hidden. God never intended for us to be in the dark. He is light and by drawing close to Him, we immerse ourselves deeper into the light. I think it is a purifying process to grow closer to God, because in so doing, we expose our darkness to the light. Things that were hidden find a way of coming to the surface. They become exposed in the presence of God. It isn't in a way to bring guilt or shame, but its purpose is to address them and release them. In order to feel "lighter" we must let go of what weighs us down.

Life can be hard and unfair, we often make mistakes and carry regrets. We try to make peace with who we are and what we have become, but we can't genuinely do that without releasing all the things that no longer serve us. We want to change, yet many times we aren't willing to let go of the things holding us back. Its scary confronting all the things you don't like... the things that bring up the low vibration emotions within us. Its quite terrifying to get real with ourselves and face all the experiences that we wish never happened. The interesting thing about all of this, is that all of those experiences shaped you into who you are now. Every single mistake guided you to a path that was meant to help you develop into something more. They were pathways of learning that we walked down in order to understand more fully who we are and the potential of what we can become. Bringing these to the light... drawing closer to God... helps us to see the value of all of our experiences (not just the happy ones!).

There's beauty in learning to bring everything to the light, because just as Christ always does, He heals us. He takes our pain, our burdens, our shame and guilt, our fear, our insecurities, our sadness and he turns them into strength, empathy, compassion, and love. It is through Christ that we can turn our weaknesses into strengths by allowing the experiences we tried so hard to hide to become part of the story we now share. We relate to others on a more personal level. We are able to help those who are going through similar things. We become the light we sought after.

This purification process is often overlooked and under-discussed. However, its critical... absolutely essential to becoming more like Christ. You must first release what hides in the dark in order to allow for more light. As we release what is in the dark, we make more space for God in our lives.

My goal for this year is to confront the darkness, see it for what it is, and let it go. I plan to make peace with all my experiences and see them for what they are; stepping stones to help me reach my potential. It is my intention to allow for imperfection while knowing it is my choice to release what holds me back... to become aware of what I cannot see, and bring it to the light. It is through this process that I plan to draw closer to God and discover more of who He already sees me as. I will become lighter as I let go of the darkness that weighs me down. 

Embracing Uncertainty: We Can't Avoid Pain Without Losing Part of Our Identity

There's a gift that comes with uncertainty... the unknown... because it causes us to look God for guidance, hope, and clarity. It comes with an increased drive to seek Him out and feel His presence in our lives. We want the peace that comes with knowing what lies ahead. When that knowledge is taken from us, for one reason or another, we are left searching for peace of mind outside of ourselves. I believe that uncertainty is a catalyst for strengthening our relationship with God and building our trust in Him. Often times when we are comfortable in our situation we get lackadaisical in our pursuit of guidance from God. I think it's just human nature. Being comfortable is nice, but it stunts our growth. I think change requires us to be uncomfortable. It triggers our desire for something different, something more. It drives action in places where we once were stagnant... and that is a gift.

I received news this past week that put me in a state of uncertainty.  It's interesting... I think this whole year has been a year of uncertainty for me. Everything from my job to my religious beliefs has left me feeling unsure about what lies ahead. I learned through questioning my beliefs that life isn't so much about "knowing" but rather "choosing". I have had to decide what I want to choose to believe in. I think that is the aspect of faith we sometimes forget to emphasize. Faith is action... well in order for action to take place, we must first make a choice. I think our ability to choose is extremely powerful, and at the end of the day, a determinant of what our future will hold. We choose what we believe, we choose what we want to become, we ultimately make choices (whether big or small) that define who we are and how we see the world. When we become clear on the power of our choices, we see the influence we hold in how things play out.

In business school I felt inspired to write my dissertation on authentic leadership, specifically the role of critical life events and how they lead us to become more authentic leaders. This was a topic I was unfamiliar with but felt strongly guided to learn more about. What I discovered from researching, interviewing, and writing, was that through uncertainty we are able to grow into more authentic versions of ourselves. We are able to gain greater self-awareness and empathy for others. We are also able to use our critical life events as a catalyst for identity development through the process of reflection. The leaders I interviewed all spoke of the power of uncertainty through critical life events and how that is what pushed them into a period of questioning who they were and who they wanted to become. They learned more about themselves as leaders and became clear on their values and beliefs. Critical life events that cause uncertainty in our lives often trigger us to dive deep and discover what beliefs are serving us and what things we need to change in order to become more authentic and true to who we are.

I came home from business school and that year started meeting with a life coach to discover my own false beliefs. I wanted to know what things I had chosen to believe that were actually preventing me from being more authentic and living my truth. What I learned was that we all have false beliefs that we live by and, subconsciously, we allow them to define a part of who we are. Have you ever done something and wondered to yourself "why do I do this?", it is usually because somewhere deep down you have a false belief that drives your decision making. The way to get rid of a false belief is to first identify it and then get to the root of why you started to believe it in the first place. More often than not, these are beliefs you picked up as a child and held onto as truth. Sometimes they are even passed down for many generations. It requires us to reflect on our lives and discover the truth of why we believe what we believe. It's a process, and quite honestly, its time consuming and emotionally draining. However, when we are able to discover a false belief and change it, we are able to change who we are and that alone is extremely rewarding.

I also learned through this process that we lose part of our identity in our attempt to avoid feeling pain. It is normal for people to avoid pain. It is uncomfortable. I recently read a quote that said "there is no such thing as a pain free life". I started to think about all the people around the world and not one of them will go through life without experiencing pain. We all feel it at different times to different extents. Attempting to avoid pain requires us to give up something of ourselves... it requires closing off a piece of our hearts. We can't avoid pain without losing part of our identity in the process.

Every year I find that my empathy is increased but it doesn't come at a cheap cost. Empathy comes from experiencing things that allow you to relate to others. It is those hard circumstances, those painful moments, that give you insights into how others are feeling. I learned this year that problems just don't go away. Avoiding issues doesn't make them less real. I've learned that God loves all of us the same and it is our choices that determine how much of His love we let ourselves feel. His love for us will never change. I realized that by shutting off the part of ourselves that feels pain, we also shut off the part of ourselves that feels His love.  Our feelings are what make us feel alive. When we shut them off, we lose that. I think every emotion should be embraced for what it is, it should be felt, and understood. I think pain is one of life's best teachers. Pain teaches us on a soul level. It's felt at our core and awakens us to who we really are.

So even though I prefer when my life is comfortable, I know it is in the uncertainty where I grow the most. It is through the unknown that I am able to become more clear about who I am and who I want to become. It allows me to increase my trust in God as I move forward unsure of what is ahead. When nothing is certain anything is possible and that is exciting! 

The Miracle of Manifestation!

I've always been a big believer in the power of manifesting what you want. I can recall when "The Secret" came out in Jr. high and I wanted to see if it really worked. I sat in an auditorium during an assembly one day, when the person with the microphone announced that he was going to throw out three candy bars to the audience. I looked at my friend and told her I was going to catch one of the candy bars. My friend laughed because she knew the odds were slim to none. I closed my eyes and pictured myself raising my hand and holding the candy bar. When I opened my eyes I saw it coming toward me, held up my hand, and caught the candy bar. I can still remember the shock on my friends face and the excitement I felt that it actually worked. Since that time, I've tried to manifest things I want coming into my life.

Over a year ago I made a vision board for a project I had developed at my job. I was training hundreds of women on the importance of creating a vision board and believing that everything on it would end up happening for them. I found photos on Pinterest of things I wanted to see manifested into my life. After the project was complete, I brought home the vision board and put it on my bedroom wall. I look at it occasionally, but I haven't spent too much time really focused on what is on it. A year has gone by and I am now in a new job. I recently finished months of training and am quite comfortable with my new role. I began feeling like it was time for a vacation. (You know how when you invest so much mental energy into learning something new, that after awhile your mind just needs a break. That's how I was feeling.) I called my friend who lives in London and asked her if she was able to take time off work and go on a trip with me. She said yes. So I booked a flight and four weeks later I was headed to London. During our trip planning, we decided we would go to the Amalfi Coast in Italy. She had recommended it and I had never been.

So we went to the Amalfi Coast and it was stunning! Seriously, even photos don't do it justice. It is beautiful! I found a hotel where my friend and I wanted to have something to drink and enjoy the view. There is a place at the hotel where we were able to take some beautiful photos of the colorful homes against the mountain. I loved it! Well, fast forward to tonight when I was organizing my room and noticed my vision board. I looked at one of the photos and realized it was the EXACT same photo as the one I had just taken at the hotel. Literally I was standing in the same spot as whoever had taken the photo on my board. My mind was blown. I immediately sent a message to my family of the photo on the vision board along with the photo I took. They also found it amazing!






I realized once again the power of having a vision board. I also recognize the significance of deciding what you want to see happen, believing it is yours, and then not obsessing over it. There is power in just knowing it is on its way to you and not worrying about the "how".  I can't help but tie this into my belief in God, because I think they go hand in hand. I believe that God knows what we want. I think prayer is a form of manifesting. We often ask God for something and then we have to choose to believe He will give it to us. Yet sometimes we find ourselves doubting because we don't see how it can happen. We try to control it ourselves, and in the process, we get in the way of it manifesting into our lives. I've learned, that similar to the vision board, when we pray for something, we need to believe that God will work out the details. We need to keep moving forward while choosing to believe it is already ours. You see, this is where I think faith comes in.

Its easy to believe something when you can already see it. The real test of faith is choosing to believe when you have no physical proof in front of you. Our minds are powerful and they are often quite logical. If you can't see it, it doesn't exist. Yet, I believe that faith is the catalyst for manifestation. Faith is the trigger to make it unfold. Faith is always required before something is manifested. It takes practice to re-train our minds to believe that good things are coming to us.  Most people have an easier time believing that things won't work out and we won't get what we want. Why? Why is it easier for us to doubt that good things can be ours and that life can be full of joy? I think we live in a world where we are taught that we aren't enough. We feel like we don't deserve happiness as much as someone else. You guys... let me just tell you right now... that is a LIE! A huge LIE! As soon as we can recognize the lie for what it is, we can stop buying into it. We can create anything we want in our lives. There are no limits!

We are all deserving of joy. We are all enough just the way we are. We can have anything and everything we want, the key is choosing to believe it... not just saying we believe it, but really believing it! Like I said, I think it takes practice, but it is possible for all of us. Whatever you want to put on your vision board can also become a reality. Choose to believe, believe it is yours. Know that God will work out the details. All you have to do is have faith and know it is on its way to you.

Gah... I love this concept so much. I know it works! I hope you can also find something you want to see happen in your future and manifest it into your life. When we live from a place of abundance, we see miracles. :) We see that there are no limits to the things we can create in our future!

Mistakes are Part of the Process of Enlightenment... and a Gift from God

I went on a walk with my mum last night where she proceeded to tell me about a conversation she had with a good friend. She said her friend told her that she has started to pray every day for God to send her something so happy it will blow her mind. Her friend said the amazing thing is that God has been answering her prayers and sending her really happy experiences each day. I  liked the idea and decided I would start doing it. Today was my first day of giving it a try. I said the prayer on my way to work and didn't think too much about it. Later in the day I was driving to see a customer and my brain started to wander. I began to recall my time in undergrad when I was studying psychology. We learned a lot about cognitive dissonance. For those of you who haven't studied psychology and aren't familiar with the concept, I will share the definition below:

noun

PSYCHOLOGY

1. the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.

To make it simple, cognitive dissonance is when we don't live in alignment with what we claim to believe. Our actions aren't consistent with the beliefs we hold about life, ourselves, and/or God. This inconsistency creates feelings of discomfort because we aren't making choices that match our beliefs. Most people try to get rid of this discomfort by justifying their actions...

"It was just once..." 

"Maybe it's not really that bad..."

"Do I really believe that?"

We don't like the discomfort, so we often try to do what we can to make it go away. We have two choices... we can change our actions or we can change our beliefs. Both options are difficult. The issue is we can't go back in time and change our actions, which means if we have done something that is contrary to our beliefs and it is not reversible, then this option is obsolete. That leaves the option to change our beliefs. However, our beliefs, to a very real extent, have become part of our identity. They have shaped who we are and how we see the world. Often we don't want to change our beliefs because we feel on a deep level that they are true. So, many people end up experiencing cognitive dissonance (discomfort) because they have made choices that don't properly reflect their beliefs and they struggle with making sense of it. 

I was thinking about this in the car and was trying to understand what it means. It hit me that this is why we have the Atonement of Jesus Christ... because of Him we can get rid of the cognitive dissonance without changing our beliefs. We can let go of the discomfort of our mistakes by realizing who He is and what He did for us. He made it possible for us to make mistakes, learn from them, and not permanently feel the discomfort from our actions falling short. I had this huge "Ah Ha" moment where I could see the practicality of the Atonement of Jesus Christ... where it wasn't just an abstract idea, but a very useful way to apply it. His Atonement leaves room for our growth. It allows for imperfection without the shame, guilt, and fear. It lets us learn through experience without having to constantly live in a state of discomfort. I don't think God wants us to feel bogged down by our mistakes or shortcomings, but rather to learn what we can from them and use our new knowledge to become better. It's a process of enlightenment that we each get to experience in our lives. Our mistakes are a gift, made possible because we have a Saviour. Isn't that amazing?! My mind was blown. My prayer was answered. 

We don't need to hold onto our regrets... the should haves or could have beens. We can let them go and know that where we are right now is exactly where we were always meant to be. We lived and we learned and we grew. There is beauty in that. There is beauty in who we have become, however the path looked that led us here. It's a gift from God to be able to mess up and gain wisdom in the process. Because of Christ we don't have to dwell on what we might have done or could have been had we made different choices. We can be grateful for the choices that led to us gaining the wisdom we now have. I believe this life is all about learning. 

Every time I learn something new I feel joy, especially when it is related to life and God. I knew this was that happy experience I prayed for earlier in the day. I'm amazed at how quickly God answered that prayer and how He gave me something big that He knew would bring me joy.

Let's just say I am going to keep praying for happy experiences that blow my mind. I love when God shares His wisdom with me!