I can't tell you how many drafts I've written over the past few months. Too many. I've felt so drawn to write and yet no clarity as to what to say. Nothing seemed to feel right, so i'd close my computer and walk away. Yet, there was still this strong pull to sit down and write. So... here I am. Im just trusting that as I write, I'll gain clarity around what I am being drawn to say.
Anyone who knows me well, knows I do really well on my own. I thrive in new places with new people. I've spent a lot of my adult life finding ways to get away... to escape the mundane. I've been blessed to have had some great experiences and meet many amazing people. I think I always knew it was also a way to escape from my own thoughts and feelings. I didn't understand that in order to alleviate pain, I had to acknowledge it and allow myself to experience the feeling. It took me a long time to figure that out. So for the past few years, thats what I've been doing. Sitting with my emotions, however uncomfortable that may be, and allowing myself to feel them. By doing this, I have been able to heal parts of myself that I didn't even know needed healing. I've learned to have grace with myself as I try to navigate this. No one ever sits you down as a child and explains all this stuff to you. So you just bury it inside and hope it goes away. The truth is though, that's not how it works. If we do not address it head on, it will stay there. It will impact everything we do. We may not notice it, but it does. It impacts how we see ourselves and it impacts how we interact with others.
People will ask me what that process looked like. How did I heal and how quickly? Well truth be told, it was very difficult. It was also extremely lonely. Do we ever fully heal from our traumatic experiences? Perhaps yes, but I think there are still things that come up over time as a result of those experiences. However, I will tell you that on the other side of that healing is a peace that makes the journey worth it. I look at who I attracted into my life pre-healing and I look at who I attracted to my life afterward. There is a big difference. As we heal, we subconsciously raise our vibration. The energy we emit is different and it attracts more of that energy.
I listened to a Master Class today on manifestation. The speaker talked about how when we want to attract something more than what we have, we have to raise our thoughts to align with what we are wanting. If we do not change our thoughts, we will never receive it. She went through the vibration levels of all the emotions. Fear, shame, guilt, anger, pride were all at the bottom. She said that in order to manifest we need to be on the level of love. Thats where the magic happens. Its really hard to stay in that energy if we don't feel love for ourselves. That will drag our vibration down. So how do we fix it? I think thats where we need to allow ourselves time to sit with our emotions. If you don't feel self-love, then ask yourself why. Sit with it. See what comes up. Let your mind wander and come back again. When something does come up, then ask yourself why again. Try to get to the root of where that feeling began. I've found that for me, everything usually stems from a belief that I wasn't enough. I think growing up in a high demand religion, we were taught to see our imperfections and always be striving to be perfect. For me, that caused a lot of internal damage. I don't think that is how God looks at us. I don't think God is searching for all the ways we are messing up and keeping count to make sure we have prayed and repented for each one individually. I don't see God that way. I don't think God is a micromanager. I think He sees us not just for who we are, but for who we can become. He sees us as having infinite worth. He knows everything about us and loves us the way we are. Anything that is making you feel like you're not enough is toxic.
So where do I recommend someone start when trying to have greater self-love? Start with building a relationship with God. God is love. There is no better way to develop more love. Im not talking about religion. Im talking about getting to know God better... one on one. Whatever that looks like and feels like for you. Let God show you what he loves about you. Let him show you your worth, without the fear, shame, and guilt. In fact, if you're feeling those things (which let's be honest are not from God), it will put you in a place of anxiety and/or depression. That is not healthy or helpful when trying to heal and discover your worth. Try to let go of whatever false beliefs you've developed. Choose to believe in a God who loves you and wants to see you happy. A God who is always there and cheering you on.
It looks like this post was about learning to develop greater self-love so that you can learn to manifest the life you truly want. Look to God to see your worth and don't let anyone else try to tell you what that is. You have always been worthy of love. You will always be worthy of love. Any experience that taught you otherwise is something to heal from. We've all had those experiences. Its important we don't let those define us, but rather let them go, so they don't continue to weigh us down. If we want to feel lighter, we should turn to the source of all light. Let God help you heal!
