Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Wow it has been awhile since I have had time to sit down and write. I turned 20 last week. I had a great birthday. I am so old it is almost ridiculous! ha ha My family bought me a digital SLR camera. I love it! It is my new found love. I want to take pictures of everything and everyone. I want to turn a room in my basement into a photography room. I don't think my parents would be ok with that though. O well... One day I will have my own studio. :)
I just need to purchase photoshop now. I can't get enough of this photography stuff. I wish it was warmer outside so I could go up the canyon and take pictures. Soon... very soon!
I am going to Zambia in September. I am hoping to be able to take my camera with me. The people there are beautiful! I am so excited. I have so many things to look forward to. I have been extremely blessed in my life. I love my family, my God and my friends!
So I have been very stressed at work. I dread waking up in the morning knowing that I have to go to work. It is horrible. The negative environment there is eating at me from the inside. I come home everyday feeling sick, down, and all I want to do is sleep. I am never like this. I love life! I love living each day not knowing what the next moment will bring. I don't want to sleep my life away. I can't get the negative feelings to leave me though. It is a bad work environment, of that I am sure.
Until I find a new job I can't really leave. So i decided this week that I am not going to feed any negative feelings that are sent my way. I ignore them. I laugh them off and keep on working. This has improved my overall health, attitude, and outlook on my life immensely. It is amazing what a little bit of positive energy can do for you and others you are around. I have been happy. I want others to be as happy as me. I have been waking up from my dreams laughing out loud because I am so happy. (and no this is not because there is a boy in my life... shocking i know. ;) ) ha ha.
I don't know what the future will bring me. I do have a plan. I ALWAYS have a plan, but that is susceptible to change. With or without my permission, because it never is about what I want. It's all about what Heavenly Father wants for me. I sometimes find myself trying to help other people change. I can't do that. They have to come to Christ. I can only change myself. That thought is quite humbling to me. I want to help people change. I want to see how happy they are when they find out who they really are and that God loves them. Well, I can only encourage them to turn to Heavenly Father. The rest is up to them. So I can show others by example. Which in and of itself is a work in progress. I am not perfect. Farrrr from it!
I find it funny how many boys come to dislike me in such a short period of time. I go out with a boy once or twice and if I'm not interested in dating them exclusively by then, they hate me. They get upset and they stop talking to me. ha ha whoever I marry will need to be a patient man, because.... you may want to take a seat for this could come as a shock to you.... it takes me awhile to really start liking someone. "I. AM. FICKLE." There I said it. :0 O my gosh. I don't think it is possible for someone to like me after several dates. I mean come on... you don't even know me.
I am enjoying this time in my life. Every day is a new adventure. Who am I? What do I want to do with my life? Who will I marry? Where will I live? How many kids will I have? Will I go on a mission? If so... Where to? Will I be single forever? ha ha I like knowing that I will have answers to these questions all in due time.
For now I am just going to try to spread happiness to those I am around. I only want to say things that will bring others up. It is not easy, but it is fun. I want to be an uplifting, happy, fun girl! I used to be. Well I want to be that way again. I can't let the world weigh me down. Life is too short to get stuck in a rut! Get out. Hold your head up and see life for all its possibilities. They are numerous! Ah... What a beautiful life!