Thursday, October 7, 2010

Trusting in the Lord

I have been praying for an answer these past several weeks. It is something that I view as very important because it will determine my future. I listened to conference and I felt that what I need to do right now is trust in God. As I was sitting here thinking about it, I started to wonder if I really knew what it meant to trust. I looked it up online and these were some of the definitions I found:

Trust: have confidence or faith in; allow without fear; reliance; certainty based on past experience; believe, hope, expect, and wish; complete confidence in a person or plan.

If we are told to trust in Heavenly Father, then according to the definitions I found, we need to allow him to direct our lives without fear of the future. If we stop and realize that He is God, He is all-knowing, He is our father and he loves us, then wouldn't it be quite obvious that he has a plan for us. A plan that perhaps we never could have dreamed of ourselves. He loves us and He wants us to be happy, so of course his plan for us is going to be great! So why is it hard for us to trust in God?

I am the type of person that always has to have a plan. If I don't have a plan then I worry and I start to get frustrated. I need to know what my future looks like and where I am headed. I do not like to be lead blindly. I am the type of person that wants to see the light at the end of the tunnel before I will let myself go in. I need to know that the road I have chosen to go on has a bright and happy ending. Well, what happens when we don't see that light? What happens when we don't know the ending? It can be scary. I think this is how it is when it comes to trusting God.

I have two choices in front of me. I cannot see the end of either road, so how do I know which one to go down. I think this is where the Spirit is vital. Heavenly Father is there for us and he wants to guide us. He isn't going to lead us down a wrong road. We need to ask him and rely on the Holy Ghost to guide and direct us to the right path. Jacob said, "Oh how great the plan of our God." When we look back at the definitions of trust, we see that it says certainty based on past experience, allow without fear, and complete confidence in a plan. I spent the whole day yesterday thinking about this. I think we cannot have trust without faith. If we do not have faith that God will work things out for our good, then how can we trust him?

I opened up the the hymn called "Be Still, My Soul" and it was like a light went on when I read the lyrics. They say:

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

At the end of the hymn were the scriptures Psalm 37:3-9 and
D&C 101:14-16, 35-38.

Psalms 37: 3-5 says:

"Trust in the Lord and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."

D&C 101: 16 says:

"Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God."

D&C 101: 38 says:

"And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life."

I loved all of those scriptures. They tell us we need to trust in God. "Be still and know that I am God." We need to have faith in him and we also need to be patient. The Lord has a plan and everything is going to work out if we are faithful to him. He answers our prayers in "His time."

I think what I need to remember is that in the past everything has worked out for my good. Heavenly Father is with me always. I need to let go of all fear and replace it with faith. Faith is what keeps us going from day to day. When we have faith we are able to put 100% trust in God and move forward. We can wake up everyday and say, "Heavenly Father, I don't know what your plan is for me today, but I am trusting you to lead me. I am willing to do what thou would have me do. Please open my eyes and help me to see more clearly what thou has in mind... today Lord, I am yours."

Saturday, September 11, 2010

"Adversity is Preparation for Greatness"

So I can officially start my mission papers this week. I am so excited. Honestly, I have never wanted anything more in my entire life then to serve a mission. I know this is what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I have put 100% faith in him, and I trust him to inspire my mind in knowing what to say to people. I do not know all of my scripture stories, in fact I struggle knowing where to find scriptures and remembering what they say. However, I know this Gospel is true with my whole heart. I know it is the key to happiness. I know that if Heavenly Father wants me to serve a mission, then He will prepare a way for me to do it. So I am ready. I am ready to learn and grow and serve. I am terrified but I am so excited at the same time.

I started mission prep several weeks ago. My teacher is great. I really enjoy going to class. I am learning a lot. I am learning that I do not need to know everything. God will prepare me. I just need to be humble enough to let Him do it. In last weeks class we broke into groups and studied different groups of people from the Book of Mormon. After we read about our group, we were to share with the class what attributes they had that helped them to be great missionaries. My group had the Son's of Mosiah. The scriptures we were assigned to read are Alma 17: 2-13. The qualities that the Son's of Mosiah had which made them great missionaries are:

-Trusted in the Lord
-They had the spirit of revelation
-They were strong even during their afflictions and trials
-They were an instrument in the Lord's hands
-Searched the scriptures diligently
-They taught with the power and authority of God

I read our list to the class. After I said that they were strong even during their afflictions and trials, the teacher stopped me. He asked me if it is possible to not be strong during your trials. I told him I believe it is possible. I told him that the Son's of Mosiah had the choice when it was hard to give up. They could have said they tried their hardest and they could have turned and gone back home. Most people would not think any less of them for doing that. They could have told God that they had had enough. There was no point. However, they chose to be strong. They put 100% faith in the Lord. They prayed and they let Heavenly Father know that they were willing to do whatever he asked of them.

I like to think that in all of our trials we have two choices, one is to be humbled and grow closer to Heavenly Father and our Savior. The second choice is to give up, turn away from God and become bitter. We have to choose to be strong through our trials even as the Son's of Mosiah, for surely they were blessed for being obedient and for choosing to trust in the Lord. Life is not always going to be easy for us. I was listening to a talk on c.d. by John Bytheway and he shared a story where he told his institute teacher that he didn't deserve what he was dealing with in his life. His institute teacher responded by asking him if Jesus deserved all the pain he bared, for all the sins he suffered, and all the despair he felt? If Jesus was perfect and he suffered for all of us, do you suppose that you are better than him?

I thought that this was profound. We all have trials. We all have things that we are going to have to go though in this life, that may not seem fair. However John shared a quote from a book he read, it said "Adversity is preparation for greatness." Through all of our trials, we have the opportunity to come out stronger and greater than before. We have the opportunity to grow closer to our Savior, to become more like him. I like to think of this as when we were little. When we were young and we were learning to walk and we would fall. We would get hurt, if only for a short moment, but surely we would get up again. Time after time we would fall. However, eventually we learn how to walk. We had to suffer some pain in order to get there, but in the end it was worth it. If we had chosen not to walk, if we had chosen to lay down forever, then we never would have felt the pain of falling. However, we also never would have felt the joy of conquering the feat of learning how to walk. The happiness we feel when we are able to walk without the fear of falling. Sometimes we have to suffer a little bit of pain, but in the end we will say that it was worth it. Keeping an eternal perspective and knowing that the Savior has been there before, and he is with you now can help us to conquer our trials. He is going to be with us the whole way. He is not going to leave us when it gets hard. He is going to hold our hand while we are "learning to walk." He is going to assist us any way that He can.

In Doctrine and Covenants 84:88 it says "And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts and mine angels round about you to bear you up."

I love this scripture, this helps me to know that when I am out serving my mission, the Savior is going to be right there with me. He is going on this mission with me. He is going to be there to help me. I will be a representative of Jesus Christ. I represent Him. If He were on the earth today He would be doing exactly what I am going to be doing. I love this! This gives me strength and courage. It helps me to trust in the Lord and know that everything is going to work out for the good!

In a talk by President Thomas S. Monson titled "That All May Hear," It says: "Youth of the church, the world is in need of your help. There are feet to steady, hands to grasp, minds to encourage, hearts to inspire, and souls to save. The harvest truly is great. Let there be no mistake about it; the missionary opportunity of a lifetime is yours. The blessings of eternity await you, yours is the privilege to be, not spectators, but participants on the stage of service to others."

Ah... how inspiring is that? I love this quote! We all have the ability to serve missions, to serve others and serve the Lord, he have the choice to seize this opportunity. I am amazed that Heavenly Father would trust me with some of His children. I am humbled and in awe. I don't want to disappoint Him. However, I believe that if He wants me to serve a mission, then He has a plan for me to be a successful missionary. I was telling a couple boys in my class at school that I am preparing to serve a mission. One of the boys told me congratulations that is exciting. I told him thanks, I am so excited I can barely stand it. The other boy became really quiet. After several minutes he looked at me and said..."That is going to be really hard!!!" I responded by saying I know. It is going to be the hardest thing I will probably ever do in my life and also the best thing! I told him I have never wanted anything more in my entire life than to be out serving Heavenly Father.

I kept thinking about what he said for the remainder of class... it's going to be really hard! I started to think about letters I have received from Amanda (Sister Graves) since she has been out in Hawaii. She said this is the hardest thing she has ever done, but it is so rewarding. It brings great joy. You go to bed every night exhausted knowing that you have done all that you could possibly do during the day. I know there will be nights when I will feel alone and I will cry to Heavenly Father. I know that my relationship with Him is going to grow so much over a short span of time. How incredible it is to know that He is right there with me. He loves me and He has a greater plan for me than I have for myself. I know that there are going to be people I will meet on my mission that are going to become blessings in my life. People that I will learn to love so much that I wouldn't be able to imagine my life without them. I am SOO excited to get out there and start serving them!!

In the Ensign of November 1992, Glenn L. Pace gave a talk titled "Spiritual Revival," it says:

"In spite of our obedience, trials and tribulations will come our way. Disasters and tribulation are not always for the punishment of the wicked, but often for the sanctification of the righteous. We admire the early members of the Church for their faithfulness through their numerous trials. It is interesting to contemplate whether they succeeded in facing their obstacles because of their spirituality or whether they were spiritual because of the obstacles they faced.
Into each of our lives come golden moments of adversity. This painful friend breaks our hearts, drops us to our knees, and makes us realize we are nothing without our Lord and Savior. This friend makes us plead all the night long for reassurance and into the next day and sometimes for weeks and months. But, ultimately, just as surely as the day follows the night, as we remain true and faithful, this strange friend, adversity, leads us straight into the outstretched arms of the Savior."

So perhaps the next trial we struggle with, we need to keep in mind that it is leading us back to our Savior. He is the one that can help us through. He loves us and through our trials and afflictions, we are going to become closer to Him. Our faith will grow stronger and we will become more like Him. What a great blessing! Everything is going to work out for our good. We just need to keep our heads high and look for the blessings we are receiving though our Father in Heaven. For they truly are numerous. He is constantly blessing us, we just need to open our eyes and look a little closer. They are there!!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Seeing the whole picture*

This whole week I have been painting. I love to create something out of nothing. There is nothing better than looking at a finished piece of work and knowing that I made that. It is a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Now when I decide to paint a picture, I set my canvas up on my easel, and I like to draw a basic outline on it. I draw it on lightly. Then I get my paints and I pick a section that I want to focus on first. I will paint and paint and paint. When I am working on the section, I tend to occasionally take a step back to look at it. When I take a step back I squint my eyes. If you squint your eyes everything else but that one section will become blurry. The only thing I am focusing on is what I have been painting. Sometimes it is only a small fraction of the entire picture.

I want to relate this to our lives. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we are doing in the moment that we don't see the whole picture. We only see what is happening here and now. We squint and the drawn in outline seems to disappear. We cannot see them any longer. We have chosen to focus on the present and nothing else. We don't see the big picture. It has become blurry and out of focus. We need to have the faith that Heavenly Father has a bigger picture mapped out for us. What we are doing at the moment is just a small part of it. If we keep an eternal perspective then we are able to see what else is planned. We are able to see what Heavenly Father has in store for us. You would never take an unfinished painting and hang it on the wall and call it good. You want to finish it. You want to make sure that it looks perfect. The same is with us. God has so much planned for us. Most of the time we don't see it because we aren't opening our eyes and looking for it. We make mistakes, but through the atonement we are able to blot out those spots and make the picture beautiful again. At the end of our life we will look back and see the whole picture. If we are living in accordance with Heavenly Father's commandments then it is going to be beautiful. We are going to like what we see. We just need to keep an eternal perspective and use the atonement in our lives daily. That will help us to see more clearly.

When I was about 14 in Miamaids, we had a lesson about our future spouses. We were given a piece of paper and asked to write down all the qualities we wanted in our dream man. Well naturally my list started at... handsome, tall, athletic, muscly... and so on. Well as I got down about a third of the page I started to think a little deeper. I started listing things like a strong testimony, holds the priesthood, loves the Lord, smart, has high standards, etc. Well when we were done with our lists we were asked to share some of the things we had written. My mom, who was our teacher at the time, said... Girls those are all really nice things, now I want to ask you, what are you going to do to attract that kind of man? It made me think. She told us that a man who held the priesthood and loves the Lord isn't going to settle for a girl that isn't worthy to enter the temple. He isn't going to want a girl that doesn't hold strong to her standards. He is going to want someone who has worked as hard as he has. He is going to want someone who loves the Lord as much as he does. I thought that was very insightful. It reminds me of the scripture

D & C 88:40- "For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own; justice continueth its course and claimeth its own; judgment goeth before the face of him who sitteth upon the throne and governeth and executeth all things."

For me it is nice to know that God has a bigger plan for me then I have for myself. I don't need to know all the details, I just need to live in a way that allows me to have the spirit with me. If I put all my faith in Heavenly Father then I know everything is going to work out. I just need to constantly be striving to be a little stronger, live a little better, and do a little more then I have been. Everything happens for a reason, I just need to focus on the bigger picture!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

What Have I To Learn?

Sometimes things happen in our lives that don't quite make sense. The unexpected occurs and we wonder why. We wonder "why me?" or "Why now?" Well as I too have thought these very things this week, I stopped and thought to myself... perhaps I am looking at things from the wrong perspective. Maybe what I should be saying is "Why not?" perhaps the question on the tip of my mind should be "What have I to learn from this experience? What can I gain that will help me progress in the future?" I like to think that everything happens for a reason. Things come and go, but knowledge is the one thing that will remain. At the end of the day, things get better. We cannot change others actions. Other people's actions will sometimes have an effect on ourselves. People often claim that what they do will only reflect on them... They think that their actions have no influence on the lives of those around them. Well I disagree. Everything we do has an effect on other people. If not immediately, then somewhere down the line, that action will have some repercussions.

Sometimes in life you are stuck outside in the rain without an umbrella. No matter what you do, ultimately you are going to get wet. You may not have for seen a storm. But guess what... It happened. Can we control the weather? more than we can control another human being. Now as you are standing outside getting wet, you have two options. You can choose to get angry and let your emotions get the better of you. You can let this have a direct impact on how the rest of your day will go, or... you can choose to lift your head to the skies and smile. You can choose to see it for what it is... a storm that will pass. Why not enjoy the fresh rain water falling on your face. Why not let it cleanse you. You can choose how this will effect you for the rest of the day. I relate this to problems in our lives. Problems that we may have not seen coming. Problems that we may not have caused but have effected us anyways. We can choose to become down and angry and frustrated, or we can choose to look heavenward. We can choose to see the situation for what it is... a storm that will pass. We can ask ourselves "What have I to learn from this experience? How can I take what I have learned and apply to the future? How can I help to prevent a situation like this from happening again?" Now if you choose to look up, you will eventually see the sun come through when the rain is gone. It may not happen right away, but eventually it will. If you choose to look down, you are going to miss the sun. You will miss the light shining on you. So what I have to say is... LOOK UP! Keep your head high. There is light. There is warmth. Embrace it. Never let your situations overpower your true purpose here. If you look long enough, you will eventually see God and his light shining down on you!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I'm Back... 2 months later!

Ah... I finally have time to write again. It has been several months. I have missed blogging. Believe it or not, I think this is an excellent outlet for my stress. It gives me a chance to organize all my thoughts.

I have become somewhat numb to certain situations in my life. I have found that when something stresses me out, I don't talk about it. I choose to pretend it doesn't exist. I don't know if this is healthy or not, but I do it anyways. I don't wanna be pressured or stressed with money. You can never have enough money. I feel like I work my butt off and at the end of the day I still don't make enough money for the things I would like. I don't want to be motivated by money. I feel like I am not that way, but then I feel pressure that I need to do more so that I can make more. I don't know how I can do this. I am mentally, emotionally, and least of all physically drained. I have no energy. I want to sleep... I want to sleep rather than hangout with friends, rather than go to church, rather than go to the gym. I want to sleep instead of read. I hate sleeping!! I don't want to miss out on life, but that's all I want to do lately. My brain is fried, I feel like I am having to work at making conversation with people. It shouldn't be like that. I find myself in conversations and having nothing to say back. My brain has temporarily stopped working. I should find a new job, but the one I have pays better than what I could be making somewhere else. I need the money, which is why I am working. Work sucks.

I am in desperate need for some fun. I wish things could be the way they were when I was 5 years old. Happy go lucky if you will. Back to the days where I would get excited just to hear the ice cream truck coming down the street, where collecting rolly polly bugs was fun, and spongebob was enough entertainment for the whole day. I think it really is time I went to the zoo.

But enough of that junk. Lets talk about the good things in life. Family. I love my family. They are so fun, loud, and quirky. That is why we are fun. haha we sat around on Sunday playing a game where one person starts out by saying a word. The next person has to come up with a word and so on. You are creating random sentences. You end up telling stories about the most random things. hahaha When you don't know what to say, we said "poop." It made everything even funnier. One story was all about Amanda wearing purple magical underwear. (don't ask... like I said, random.) haha we were laughing so hard. I seriously love my family. Liv is home for the summer, so it has been nice to have everyone home before Amanda goes on her mission.
Here is a brief recap of all that has happened in the past 2 months. They say a picture is worth a thousand words... well here you go.

Getting ready for relief society lunch bunch
Owl City concert
Working Friday with Amanda
Closing my eyes after an 11 hour work day!
Dad broke his ankle the day we were supposed to go to Tyler's wedding. We had to call 911 after her went unconscious. (lucky for me I snapped a picture, and he will hate it when he finds out I put it on my blog... o well! It's too good not to!)
Dad sitting on the couch with his leg up. He pretty much sits here all day since he has a hard time moving.

Amanda's graduation 4/2010

Amanda and I testing out my new camera

Trip to Ikea with Mum and Liv

Howie and I

T-Fred's wedding

We leave for Mexico in two weeks. I seriously am trying to get my bum in shape. Work it! haha deserts are my weakness, how can I say no to desert?! Its hard. So hard. All the people down south may just have to deal with the fact that my bod is out of shape. I have been going to the gym though. That has to count for something right...? And believe it or not, I actually have been sweating. Mum says I only go to the gym to look pretty. Well, I'll tell you right now, me sweating is not pretty. But i am doing it. wo0ot wo0ot! Now, finding a swimsuit that will hold up my chest is another problem entirely. Seriously... how am I supposed to wear a swimsuit without a bra in it. It just isn't gonna work out. I have searched many a place to try to find one that is cute, but also meets criteria. Ya... negative. Zip. None. Is it unreasonable to ask for a cute, big boob holding swimsuit?! ha ridiculous.

Well, I think I will go read now. I actually feel like reading. So I will take advantage of this before it wears off. Good day to you all. If no one reads this, then good day to myself I suppose.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My new love!

Wow it has been awhile since I have had time to sit down and write. I turned 20 last week. I had a great birthday. I am so old it is almost ridiculous! ha ha My family bought me a digital SLR camera. I love it! It is my new found love. I want to take pictures of everything and everyone. I want to turn a room in my basement into a photography room. I don't think my parents would be ok with that though. O well... One day I will have my own studio. :)
I just need to purchase photoshop now. I can't get enough of this photography stuff. I wish it was warmer outside so I could go up the canyon and take pictures. Soon... very soon!

I am going to Zambia in September. I am hoping to be able to take my camera with me. The people there are beautiful! I am so excited. I have so many things to look forward to. I have been extremely blessed in my life. I love my family, my God and my friends!

So I have been very stressed at work. I dread waking up in the morning knowing that I have to go to work. It is horrible. The negative environment there is eating at me from the inside. I come home everyday feeling sick, down, and all I want to do is sleep. I am never like this. I love life! I love living each day not knowing what the next moment will bring. I don't want to sleep my life away. I can't get the negative feelings to leave me though. It is a bad work environment, of that I am sure.

Until I find a new job I can't really leave. So i decided this week that I am not going to feed any negative feelings that are sent my way. I ignore them. I laugh them off and keep on working. This has improved my overall health, attitude, and outlook on my life immensely. It is amazing what a little bit of positive energy can do for you and others you are around. I have been happy. I want others to be as happy as me. I have been waking up from my dreams laughing out loud because I am so happy. (and no this is not because there is a boy in my life... shocking i know. ;) ) ha ha.

I don't know what the future will bring me. I do have a plan. I ALWAYS have a plan, but that is susceptible to change. With or without my permission, because it never is about what I want. It's all about what Heavenly Father wants for me. I sometimes find myself trying to help other people change. I can't do that. They have to come to Christ. I can only change myself. That thought is quite humbling to me. I want to help people change. I want to see how happy they are when they find out who they really are and that God loves them. Well, I can only encourage them to turn to Heavenly Father. The rest is up to them. So I can show others by example. Which in and of itself is a work in progress. I am not perfect. Farrrr from it!

I find it funny how many boys come to dislike me in such a short period of time. I go out with a boy once or twice and if I'm not interested in dating them exclusively by then, they hate me. They get upset and they stop talking to me. ha ha whoever I marry will need to be a patient man, because.... you may want to take a seat for this could come as a shock to you.... it takes me awhile to really start liking someone. "I. AM. FICKLE." There I said it. :0 O my gosh. I don't think it is possible for someone to like me after several dates. I mean come on... you don't even know me.

I am enjoying this time in my life. Every day is a new adventure. Who am I? What do I want to do with my life? Who will I marry? Where will I live? How many kids will I have? Will I go on a mission? If so... Where to? Will I be single forever? ha ha I like knowing that I will have answers to these questions all in due time.

For now I am just going to try to spread happiness to those I am around. I only want to say things that will bring others up. It is not easy, but it is fun. I want to be an uplifting, happy, fun girl! I used to be. Well I want to be that way again. I can't let the world weigh me down. Life is too short to get stuck in a rut! Get out. Hold your head up and see life for all its possibilities. They are numerous! Ah... What a beautiful life!

Saturday, February 27, 2010

I Believe"

I love good quotes. There's something about a good quote that when after you read it you feel inspired. You have something in you that wants to become better and you have the motivation to try! Here are several of my favorites:

"I Believe....
in saving for a sunny day.
I believe that being organized is highly overrated.
Until I can't find my car keys.
Played correctly, I believe that checkers can be a contact sport.
I believe that the job of a best friend is to make you laugh
until you hiccup (or wet your pants).
I believe in singing in the shower so loud the neighbors complain.
I believe a splash of color and a dash of pattern beat a diet any day.
I believe in letting myself shine!"
( Dress barn ad)

"To be nobody but yourself in a world
which is doing its best, night and day,
to make you into everybody else
means to fight the hardest battle which
any human being can fight;
never give up that fight."
(E.E. Cummings)

"When you live close to God and his infinite grace,
you won't have to tell, it will show in your face!"
(Elaine S. Dalton)

"Everything can be taken from a person but one thing;
the last of the human freedoms- to choose
one's attitude in any set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way."
(Victor Frankl)

"Man is free the moment he wishes to be."

"Real integrity is doing the right thing knowing that
nobody is going to know whether you did or not."
(Oprah Winfrey)

"In our afflictions we become acquainted with God."

"We need to stand by Jesus at all times, in all places,
even unto death. For that is how he stood by us!"
(Jeffrey R. Holland)

"There are things that people never want to let go of,
people we never want to leave behind.
But keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world,
it's the beginning of a new life."
(Bernie Siegel)

"Let go. Why do you cling to pain?
There is nothing you can do about the wrongs
of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold onto the
very thing which keeps you from
hope and love?"
(Leo Buscaglia)

There are so many that it would take all day to post them on here. So these past couple of days I have been thinking about how hard it is to see someone else struggle. You want to take the burden from them. It's hard to see someone you love go through a hard time in their life. I have a friend that is going through something right now and I just want to help them. I want to tell her it will all be ok, but she doesn't believe me. I felt helpless for the longest time. I didn't know what to say or do. Everything I said she shut down. I wrote a poem to help me get my thoughts onto paper. I realized that helps me a lot. It didn't take me long to realize that I can't fix this for her. She needs to turn to God.

"I Love You"
Words trapped within my broken bleeding heart
They long to escape, but from my mouth they won't part.
I want to fix this, I want to make her whole
I know she is hurting, her innocence was stole.
Her sorrow turns to bitter coldness, she is hate
I tell her thru the atonement comes a clean slate.
She tells me to shut up and leave her alone,
I look at her with longing, her face turns to stone.
I shout to her... wake up, look around
Where is this boy, his face i will pound.
You made a mistake, but fixed will it be,
If you just let the Savior take it from thee.
He knows you are hurting, and you does he love,
He sees you're in pain and he's crying above.
He says let me in, give this to me,
For I miss the old girl that I want you to be.
The one's whose laugh could light up the room,
Not this depressed one that's filled with such gloom.
I'm longing to hug you, and hold you so tight,
But you push me away and all that is light.
I cringe at the thought that you think you're not loved,
He died for you, He bled from every pore,
You will ALWAYS be loved!

I recommend writing down your thoughts if you are ever having a hard time working through something. seriously it helps clear your mind. Just try it, you may be surprised how much it actually does help!

My mum and I went to IKEA yesterday. If you haven't been there before then I suggest you do. It is a very fun store. They have everything in the world. If you go then make sure you get some food at the top of the store. It is fun! I bought myself a bookshelf so that I can better organize my room. My mum and I set it all up. We had a lot of fun together. Seriously I love my family. They are my best friends. I would rather hangout with them then anyone else. Anyways after I got it all set up I was able to put all of my books in it. My room looks so much better! Its not cluttered anymore. I love it. I have my own desk area now where I can sit and blog. (Hence what I am doing right now.) It is very relaxing. There is something about a clean room that gets me excited to wake up in the morning. I love it!!

Salmon from IKEA- $6.99
Bookshelf from IKEA- $159.99
Spending time with Mum- Priceless

Me and Mum


Couch and Window

Desk area and window
My room
Well that's all I'm gonna write today! But hey for anyone reading this, have a great weekend. They go by fast so enjoy each moment!!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


As I sit here writing today I keep thinking about how scatter brained I am. I have about 2,000,000 thoughts going through my head. Now I do realize this is an exaggeration, however, I really do have so many things I am thinking about. I almost don't even know what I should write. So forgive me for all of my random thoughts. Today I will only focus on several of them. I'll try to keep them organized so you don't become as confused as I am. ha ha

1. Isn't it incredible how you can have the worst day ever, how you can be on the verge of tears, and then someone says something funny and you forget all about it. It's like the sun shinning through the clouds. Your frustration or depression is temporarily on hold. You can relax and for those few moments you cab be lifted to a new level. A level of happiness and light. When you are laughing, there is a peace. A joy you feel that no one can take away from you.
I went to a women's conference two summers ago with my mom at UVU. One of the ladies talked about laughter. She literally had a whole talk about laughter. Can I just tell you I learned so much from her. Here are a few bullet points she made that stuck out to me:
  • Laughter reduces stress hormones
  • strengthens immune system
  • it is anti-aging
  • laughter is a form of aerobic exercise.
  • increases the level of endorphins
  • it is a natural pain killer
  • controls high blood pressure
  • gets rid of depression
  • increases creative powers and your imagination
  • shrinks the hurts of everyday life
  • a way to release anger
  • helps you to be more self-confident
  • It is proven that laughter changes the body from an acid state to an alkaline one.
This lady also stressed the point that we are from heaven and we need to try to see ourselves the way that God does. She said that we should not operate from limitations, but rather say to ourselves... "I have money, I have love, I am HAPPY!" I thought this was great. It's easy to forget about all of the great things we have. She said "The only one that can really know you is the one that created you. He is the only one that can reveal to you what and who you really are. Its time to AWAKEN TO WHO YOU REALLY ARE!! We need to make an offering to the world and live it out. We can make a difference."
This really stuck out to me. I love it! Every time I read it, I am inspired to be better. I want to give all that I can to make the world a better place for someone else. I need to start by laughing more. It's easy for me to focus on myself and get down on all the hard things I need to do. However, laughter truly is amazing! We all need to laugh more. It is literally good for our bodies and our souls.

2. My favorite book is called "Why Men Love Bitches." It is written by Sherry Argov. Now, I hope I don't offend the few of you that actually read my blog, but that is what it is called so I had to write the word bitch... oops. Please forgive me. Now the reason I like this book is because it encourages girls to have a mind of their own. It encourages them to stand up for what they believe and not to change for anyone. It tells you that if a man is not treating you right then you should run. I have to say that I agree. Completely. Come on girls, do you know how many men there are out there? MANY!! SO MANY!! If you are settling for a jerk... don't! Ok here are a few of the great things Sherry says in her book. Believe me after you read this you may be tempted to go out and invest on one of her books. I'll tell you right now, you will NOT be disappointed. Hold me to it! Borders has some... just fyi. ;)
  • It is your attitude towards yourself that a man will adopt.
  • When he can't have you it becomes more of a challenge.
  • Act like a prize and you will turn him into a believer.
  • Always prioritize yourself above him.
  • If you tell him you aren't interested, he will set out to change your mind.
  • The girl that isn't trying to be sexy is the one they take seriously and it turns him on.
  • Men don't respond to words, they respond to no contact.
  • When you are always HAPPY and he is always free to GO, he feels LUCKY.
  • A bitch won't let a man pull her away from her life because she is content with her own.
  • When you nag he tunes you out, when you speak with your actions he understands.
  • Don't let the routine become predictable, don't always be available for him, he likes the chase.
  • Negative attention is still attention, it lets him know he has you right where he wants you.
  • If you take his chores away from him and praise someone else for doing it, he will want his chores back.
  • Nagging is a sign of weakness.
  • Emotional women are seen as pushovers.
  • He'll forget what he has in you unless you remind him.
  • Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself or speak your mind. It will not only earn his respect, in some cases it will even turn him on.
  • The more independent you are of him, the more interested he will be.
  • If he doesn't give you a TIME, you DON'T have a date!!
  • "Once you start laughing, you start healing"
  • You can get away with saying a lot more humor then you can with a straight face.
  • If someone doesn't approve of you, it is just one person's opinion and of no real importance!
Ah... I LOVE that book. It seriously is incredible. Best book. I think some of those things are so dead on. Girls... if a boy tells you he likes you but isn't asking you out, then move on. If you are mad at a guy but you keep talking to him and pretending everything is fine, then guess what!! He is NOT going to change. Speak with your actions. Remember that because it is true!

3. Ok this will be my last random thought for today. Now that I have written a novel and enjoyed every minute doing it. I love change! Some of these things include:
  • change in weather. (It is time for spring and green. I love looking at the mountains in the spring and seeing green! I love tulips and all the colorful flowers that blossom in the spring.)
  • Change in age. (It is so fun to get older and then to look back and see how much you have changed. It's incredible how much you can change in a short amount of time.)
  • Change in attitude. (It is so nice to know that we can be happy whenever we want to. We choose our own attitude. We choose if we want to smile or cry. Now crying can be good too. It is a way to release pent up emotion. We need to get it out. However, you don't want to cry all the time. If you have to cry then do it. But then move on. Look up and face the world. Smile. :) Life is good!)
  • Change from the past. Spiritual change. (I think this is my absolute favorite change. I love to see the mistakes and sins I have done. When you change and truly repent it is beautiful. You feel relieved. You want to fly. You want to shout from the top of all the sky scrapers in New York. You want to bust out in the happiest most joyful song you can think of. When you have made a mistake and are able to overcome it and move on, you realize how much happier you are. When you have the Savior with you, you can do anything. You come to find out that you need him in your life. We all need him. He inspires change. He is the one that made it possible for us to change. I love it. I love him!! Change, repentance, and happiness all go together. It is beautiful!!)
I love life. I love my family, friends and most importantly my Savior. Life is good. We all have down times, we need to address them, work through them, and then move on. Keep your head up. There is so much to be grateful for. We are blessed every day with little miracles and if we look close enough, we will see them. Its easy when you know what to look for. Wow! Keep living, loving, and laughing. Those three things will get you from day to day.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


For as long as I can remember I have wanted to go to Switzerland! It is gorgeous there. Everyone has been predicting where Amanda will go on her mission. Which, by the way, she gets her call a week from tomorrow. Crazy exciting and a little sad for me. She is one of my best friends so of course I will miss her. I want to go to Switzerland sooooo bad!! If she gets called there then I will get to go there to pick her up. If you look at the picture below you will probably want to go there too. It is green and luscious, and I love the hills and the crystal blue lakes. I want to get a white sundress and dance around in a field of daisies. That is my dream! I hope Man will go there. haha
If she doesn't get called to Switzerland it will be ok. I will just need to go there on my mission. haha That isn't quite how it works, but it is still fun to think about. When I was little I read a book called Bloomability. I can't remember who wrote it, but I loved it! It takes place in Switzerland. It is such a good book. Ah... perhaps I will need to read it again. I don't have a lot of time to read right now. It is almost summer though and I will be able to read so much. We are going to Mexico in the beginning of May. I am excited! I will need to take several books with me to read at the beach. Julie Garwood is another favorite author of mine. For anyone looking for a good book, I highly recommend her!

Monday, February 22, 2010

My 1st Blog

WO0o! So I have officially created a blog. Without Amanda's help I would never have been able to figure this out. So I really ought to be thanking her right now. I think this will be a great way to relieve some unwanted stress in my life. I am hoping to clear my head by writing down my thoughts. Now... I do realize that this is basically a journal you post online for the whole world to read. So... in that case, enjoy!